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Sigh. What has happened to me?

I realise that I seemed to be making lots of enemies lately. Hmm. Is this a sign of the apocalypse? Was I influenced by anything around me to be this evil and hostile and ignorant?

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My (literally) crushed dream

Literally my boss went and crushed my article on STOMP. I had worked really hard on that, completing that one first when there are other stories I should be working on. She forwarded me an email on the event much earlier (I think somewhere in August), and told me to do a story on it.
Like a good worker that I am, I sent out questions via email to one of the STOMP creators and was replied with great answers!
So, like a good staff, I wrote out a story, with a cool intro, too!

Here it is:

STOMP...Collapse )

Proudly I put it in the folder and the next day I was called over by my boss who asked me if she did tell me to do a story. I said, yes and I told her that I sent out the questions. She then blamed me for handing it out so late because then, she didn't know that our competitor is the official paper for STOMP. "So we shouldn't be promoting something that is theirs."

And then she went to crumple my story like it was junk. Yeah, it may be unusable, but can't you just hand it back to me like a normal nice person? No. :P

Here I am, with a vengeance. Don't you think the intro is good? At least I do.
Well, no bosses are all nice. Unless you are your own boss.

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Eye-opening experience

I've learned so much about human interactions and body language since I first worked here at (ahem). And not only was I shocked to find that it is actually cruel here, but you got to do what you got to do to survive.

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Update on JDoramas

Time has passed, and so have dramas. CORNY!

Yes, I did watch Code Blue SP, and it was a bit disappointing in terms of the non-existent romance. I was expecting yamapi/gakki but alas, there was none. However, there is that part where Aizawa was seeing off his grandmother, and shiraishi was nearby. after the granny had gone off, aizawa was walking back to the building when he saw shiraishi standing there watching him. That's it. No confrontation whatsoever. Gah!

Well, they did talk about it in the elevator but that's about it. Ah, that part is nice also, when at the end of their conversation, shiraishi was looking at him with a smile, and he noticed her looking, and he turned to look slowly, and he had this ghost of a smile as well. *faints and recovers* unfortunately it ended there.

EDITED: Yeah, Sorry, I realised later when I immediately watched the Code Blue series after submitting this post that the elevator part i mentioned above is actually from the last episode of the drama, not the SP. Nothing from the SP though. *sighs*

I also realised that the elevator is like their sanctuary, where they both meet and talk about what's happening to them. Like their secret hideout or something.

Hehe, I always imagine that it is a possibility for them in the future, if there is going to be a Code Blue 2, to make out in the particular elevator, and then appear like nothing happened when they are among other doctors. Haha! Just my wild imagination and strong hope.



-- THis is my favourite Code Blue mag scan, coz Gakki and Pi are standing super close to each other. It's like they're leaning against each other, right? And Gakki is so cute in that dress. And no, I don't think the picture was maniped.

I wish there was MORE Aizawa/Shiraishi scenes! I know that it is probably impossible for aizawa to fall for anybody with his mission and all, but it is not impossible for shiraishi, right? if that's too much, there was unrequited love in both kurosagi and nobuta, so why not in Code blue? I've read somewhere that one of the reasons that code blue is not doing that well is the lack of romance.

And yesterday I found that rumour has it that there will be another season of Code blue, starring Gakki and Pi (it didn't mention toda or asari, though). Oh, please, let there be another season of Code Blue. PLease please Please!!!

So. If there is, please let there be romance between Shiraishi and Aizawa. Please!!! If they pair up Aizawa with Hiyama Saejima another lady, I am so going to scream obscenities at the computer.


Let's stray away from Code Blue and go towards Nakushita Kioku. Here's another disappointment. the movie was supposed to come out in november or something. the actual words were "Fall 2009". I found out about this movie last year, and even then I thought waiting equalled to death, especially since it involves tegomaki.



And then I found out last month that there is going to be another delay. till God knows when. What in the world is wrong with the movie that it needs such a long time for post-production?? Operation cwal!!!

Last friday, the last episode of Orthros No Inu aired over TBS. *sigh* such a short series, and once again, not enough romance!!! What is it with these people? Are they too shy or something? Come on!!! All the shows that I don't like, surely would have tons of romance in it. So unfair, I tell you!!

Well, let's just hope for Code Blue Season Two. And possible some aizawa/shiraishi romance in it.

hehe. what a long break...

Yep, I admit it. I did what I swore not to do in the early days of this blog: ignore my blog. I remember it was early this year that I last did an entry, so... after... nearly nine months, here's a mega update.

First and foremost, I had undergone my internship at a local newspaper company and loved it, since I got paid a lot, unlike some of my friends who got nothing (money-wise) from theirs. So because of that, I became the subject of envy among my peers. Muaahaha! And, my internship provides my cool and free stuff when I attended press conferences and whatnot. So, I also became the subject of envy among my family members. Haha!! Ok, enough bragging.

Naturally, all those luxury came with a price. I had to work as if I was an actual staff, which almost made me go blind at several points of time. I can't really say what I had to do, but, just bear with me, that I had suffered. Apparently nobody was willing could stand to do what I was doing, so I ended up being the pushover.

And, I didn't really have many friends there, since my colleagues were either too old or not in the same wavelength as me. So, i was forced to suck up 24/7. God, I hate them. The money that I was supposed to get was my only motivator.

Despite my strong hate for the job and the place and the people, I realized that once I'm gone, there would be nobody to take my place. Eventually, a fellow colleague was forced into it, and she could only survive for two weeks. After that, I was called in to take over. Luckily I was done with my studies and I was supposed to look for a job. So, since there was an opportunity, why not?

And now, I think monthly I earn more than my colleagues, and my classmates. So, if I ignore the annoying job that I'd have to do, I'm really thankful for what I have right now.

If you're wondering about Mary, yeah, she's still alive and kicking. Somewhere. Only God knows where. At least that's what I heard. As for me, I'm still pissed. Our graduation is coming up, so... we'll see what happens.

With my hard-earned salary, I've ordered an iPhone 3GS via Maxis. That was on Aug 28. And I was supposed to get it this week, on Sept 28 to be exact. I was giddily waiting for the call (Maxis would call to confirm that the phone has arrived, then only I can go collect) on that very day. At around 4.30pm, I got a call from Maxis. This girl Farah said that the order has been delayed for 14 days. So, I should wait some more.

*sigh*. I've heard a lot of complaints regarding Maxis'/iPhone catastrophe. Here I am, wanting to show off my new phone to everyone, and trust Maxis to burst my bubble. Gah!

The secret to success:Collapse )

excellent jdoramas


mysoju.com is the epitome of all websites which offer the service of online videos. it has a massive collection of either korean, japanese or chinese dramas in flash video format. well, you can find almost anything there but there are some dramas not included in the list.

i learned this the hard way. *sobs* i saw a few episodes of code blue and was instantly in a yamapi frenzy. so i was checking out if there are more yamapi dramas or movies provided by the website. sadly, i can't find the good ones. there's one drama called "Sore wa, Totsuzen, Arashi no you ni..." which involves him as a student in love with his teacher, and this teacher is having marital problems, and i think she was contemplating which guy is better for her. feh. i don't really like the storyline and the leading older lady so i refused to watch, even though it got good reviews.

i was looking for another yamapi drama, "Shounen wa Tori ni Natta" (at least i think that's how it's spelt). it's the story about a boy with a heart problem. there's a hole or something. he was around fifteen, and even though he knew he was dying, he didn't let that deter him from doing things he liked to do. at the same time, with his illness, he managed to inspire others immensely. sadly, in the end he died. now, usually i kind of avoid movies or dramas which end in character death, but yamapi is enough exception. i haven't really watched it yet but i saw the scene where he was in his last breath, and he was excellente!


ha, there's another movie in which he dies. it's called the "Grapevines". ok, i don't know why he likes to pick end-in-death movies, as i call it. just like the previous movie, in the grapevine, even though he has the lead role, he was not really on-screen a lot. but he played a major impact in my life after watching it. i was practically bawling on the floor.

in code blue, yamapi is not really that great because he has this arrogant, macho, dashing air about him. he's a skillful flight-in-training doctor, and apparently he's the best among all of the interns. in the drama, yamapi had this mop-top hairstyle. ehh, not a fan. i kind of like his co-star, aragaki yui. and i kind of think they look cute together. in the series, both of them kind of have this certain chemistry but nothing actually happened. sadly. i meant chemistry in terms of companionship. not romantically like how i wished it to be.

apparently, code blue's SP would be aired on January 10th. so i guess i could say that a yamapi/yui pairing is slightly possible. well, who could blame my wild imagination when there are many hints that say it exists in the series? as an avid viewer who is waiting patiently for the SP, i could only hope for such things. yui is on the left of yamapi.

i'm really psyched for this new movie that is currently filming, involving horikita maki and tegoshi yuya. i love them both! they're so cute!!! but... in the movie, they began as best friends only. the story is like this: a girl, naomi, has amnesia from a fall-down-the-stairs accident. she loses four years worth of memory. her best pal, will, is always with her to help her remember everything. but when she fell, another fella, james was the one who took her to the hospital. so naomi kind of felt pulled towards him, and i think they fell in like and dated for a while. in the end, i think, she broke it off with him due to a certain reason, and she realized that will was the one with her all this while. will is more important to her than anyone else.

this movie is adapted from a book, 'memoirs of a teenage amnesiac'. kenichi matsuyama (that weird guy from death note) is playing james. naomi is played by maki while sweet old will is played by tegoshi. *sigh* here's the deal. in the book, naomi would definitely end up with will but the adaptation is left to our imagination. god knows what would happen in the end.

evidently, i'd like naomi and will to be together but the news said that matsuken is the lead actor. so maybe they'd change the storyline into james/naomi. man! hopefully they'll stick to the book. damn directors. i am personally angry at this possibility because i personally like a tegomaki pairing.

i heard that "Ryusei no Kizuna" is a good series to watch. nishikido ryo is in it. there's another talented actor that made my list of cute actors to look out for. as i have mentioned in my old entry, ryo is also in the drama "one Litre of Tears". i shall be downloading it in the near future.

i hope to watch many more japanese movies/dramas that certainly have great cast lineups. that is one of the keypoints i look for. unlike malay movies, which i'm not totally a fan of, japanese ones, like the western, sometimes have interesting storylines. together with the great cast, voila! a great production.

aside from all this, i also cannot wait for the next Harry Potter movie!! Eeeeeeee!!! that'll be out in july. the dadnapped movie starring emily osment is out in february. hopefully i won't be having anything on those months. i want to watch it all!!!

the saddest story i've ever seen

*sobs* i've just finished watching the most tear-jerking drama ever created, One Litre of Tears. it's actually a japanese drama, so the original name is Ichi Litteru no Namida. seriously, i've never sobbed as much when i watched other shows.

it's about this girl, aya. ok, here's what i grabbed from wikipedia. i'm having trouble explaining the whole thing, as i am still in the *sniff* sobbing mode and probably because i don't really understand the complexity of the disease.

"Aya Kito was diagnosed with a disease called Spinocerebellar ataxia when she was 15 years old. The disease causes the person to lose control over their body, but because the person can retain all mental ability the disease acts as a prison. Aya discovers this disastrous news as the disease has already developed. There is no cure.

Through family, medical examinations and rehabilitations, and finally succumbing to the disease, Aya must cope with the disease and live on with life until her death at the age of 25."

here's a picture of the aya kito:

yeah, it's terrible, that disease. this drama takes us into the life of successful, cheerful girl of 15, Aya Ikeuchi, played by Erika Sawajiri. the drama started off with how she began to experience the sickness. she gets woozy, she always misteps when she walks. therefore, she ends up falling on her knees, on her chin, on her head. it's like she sometimes loses control over her actions. another example is when she was about to grab the saltbottle but instead her hand grasped the air next to the bottle. get me? ah, just watch the show.

erika sawajiri is an excellent choice for the lead. she's supercute, perfect for the role of someone cheerful. unfortunately, there has been rumours saying that she is not liked by others. it sounded like she acts like a diva or something. and there was something else about her being rude.

aya ikeuchi has a love interest in the drama by the name of haruto asou (whom she dearly calls asou-kun). this character is played by the supercharming ryo nishikido. asou is the son of a doctor. he's expected by the dad to follow the latter's footsteps but the boy has no interest whatsoever to study, even though he's already brilliant enough to enter medical school.

ryo nishikido and erika sawajiri
 

they met when aya was late for exam and while in the bus, she missed her stop, so she was running for it. asou on the other hand, was about to ditch the exam when aya came running and fell. she knocked a few bikes, including asou's. he grumbled but went to help her nonetheless. she was limping (she scraped her knee) and it had started to rain. he offered her a ride, so here's one of the cute moments of them together even though it was raining cats and dogs. when they reached school, both aya and asou were given the chance to do the paper that they missed, much to aya's joy and asou's annoyance.

from there, their relationship grew slowly, and it started of innocently that it makes me want to go, "kyaa!"

meanwhile, aya's illness began to deteriorate. she went to see young (and superhandsome) dr. mizuno, who told her and her parents of her condition. aya's realization of her future with the illness was heartbreaking to watch. we have to remember that she's very young, very active in class and in basketball, and she has dreams to fulfill. so it is inevitable for her to experience the whole "why me? i'm still young! i'm not ready to die!" period. she cries a lot in these scenes and you can't help but cry with her. *sobs*

there was a senior who had his eyes on aya for a while. after their first date where aya fell on her head (it was bleeding heavily), they were supposed to have another one at the zoo. aya was very excited but this kawamoto felle had second thoughts. asou overheard him talking to his friend that he might stand her up. he thought the whole incident was too scary and weird for him. as fast as lightning, asou ran to zoo when it had started to rain. he found aya under a tree, soaking wet and sad. he placed an opened umbrella above her head (and forgot to include himself under it) and scolded her for standing in the rain. he told her that kawamoto can't come, he had things to do (which is not the truth!). then, aya let out her feelings to him, asking that was it too greedy of her to ask for a longer lifetime. apparently asou had told her that those poeple who are satisfied with their lives should no longer live. or something like that. she was on her knees crying, so was i but on my butt.

all this while, asou was there to help her go through everything. unlike other people, asou doesn't treat her like she is sick at all. he has his own principles about life, and it totally contrasts with what is happening to aya. so, he began to question them as he befriends aya. he began to gain interest in aya, as she is the reason he started to see the profession of a doctor in a new light. aya, with her sickness and all, still sees everything positively. she wants to help people in any way that she can. this gives encouragement to asou to also want to help people.

aya had trouble learning and walking. aya couldn't stop saying sorry everytime she interrupted a class or when other people had to endure her exixtence, you know, since she's such a nuisance and all. even if that is the case, everyone kept saying that it's okay, seeming that they understood her problem. her classmates had to follow her study pace and after some time, they started to become fed up with waiting. parents had expressed their ideas that maybe aya should be transferred to a special school, instead of holding everyone back.

one scene shows her classmates venting their anger (and also guilt) towards aya. apparently aya was supposed to stay at the hospital for a few days. the classmates decided to take that oppostunity to discuss the matter. meanwhile, aya was still in school and had forgotten her notebook in her desk. accidentally, she heard everything as she stood outside the class door.

the students were (politely) bashing her verbally until asou stood up and said something like this: "it is shameful that you dare talk about her like this but in front of her you act all nice." he was busy defending her when he heard somebody sniffed outside the door. dum dum dum... now everybody knew that aya had heard the whole thing and looked guilty. aya acted as if nothing happened but the next day, she entered her class and announced that she's going to a special school.

here she gave a very strong and encouraging speech about how they should all never give up. she doesn't think that the sickness would stop her at anything. most of them (including guys) cried at hearing this. when aya was about to go off, her classmates rushed out to see her at the gate. asou started to sing the song '3rd september' (this is the song that the whole class sang for a choir performance and aya was the conductor) the class followed suit and left aya to tears (and me as well).

oh, yeah. i'll be telling you what i remember only. the scenes that i write about are the ones that i like.

aya's family (consisting of dad, mum, little sisters ako and rika, and brother hiro) were experiencing hard times also. they had to face people talking bad about aya. hiro has his soccer teammates mocking him of aya, saying that someone like aya (who walks like a penguin at that time) could never teach him how to score. in return, hiro never said anything. when ako came to see hiro at a soccer practice, his friends approached them and began to criticise aya. ako was furious to see that hiro just took everything in without a fight. back home, ako exploded at him. "why are you ashamed of ayane? she's a very strong person. if i were her, i'd never be able to show my face anywhere. (here she showed him his soccer jersey with his name sewn on it) you see this? ayane sacrificed her sleeping time just to finish this for you. with her condition it must have taken her hours! what is so embarrassing about her? she's our sister! you are despicable!" yeah, she said something like that. i was bawling. i personally think that ako is very beautiful.

before aya was shipped off to special boarding school, her dad gave her a handphone so that they can contact easily. the first person to call her was asou. (kawaii!) asou asked her out to the aquarium. it was all so cute. in another scene, asou ran all the way from his school to aya's just to see how she was doing. he also said, "and i... maybe... i maybe like you. maybe." he flashed her his heart-stopping smile at this. i was like, kyaa!!! but a funny thing happened: in reply, aya said thank you. what does that mean? doesn't that mean she's not accepting his affections? *confused*

by this time, aya was wheelchair-bound. asou is falling more into her. but as she grew weaker, she realized something about her relationship. she asked asou to accompany her for a wedding. there, she gave him an envelope, saying that it is a love letter. asou later found out that in the letter, aya said she is jealous of him when they are together. asou could do all the things that she wants to, so it is hard for her to continue this. it was very heart-wrenching to watch this, to listen to what aya had to say. asou was crying, and so was i. (surprise surprise).

at the same time, aya was in the hospital and she told her parents and dr.mizuno about the letter. the parents asked why she let go of something very dear to her. she answered with a question: "okasan, can i get married?" okay, this left me wondering for quite a while. what in the world did she mean?

here's what i think: she didn't want to lead asou on. she knew that she was dying soon and it would be harder for asou to accept her death if they were indeed together. and if they did stay together, she'd begin to really fall for him but she knew that the relationship would end in sadness. so it was better that they didn't see each other anymore.

aya's condition update: she had trouble talking. then she had more trouble walking, her legs were not strong enough to support her, so she had to hold on to things.

it was not until the next year that asou finally met aya again. he really wanted to, but didn't have the courage. dr.mizuno came to see him, as he was doing his studies at the same hospital. the doc told him to bring aya a postcard addressed to her. still in fear, he did so. in her room, he said "long time no see" and told her his purpose of coming. he then read the postcard to her. it was from a younger girl, i think, who had the same sickness. the girl was very depressed and thought life was unfair, until she found about aya. she was inspired by aya's strength and willpower to live that it gave her encouragement to continue thinking positively.

i think asou said that he too was inspired by her, and like her, he wanted to help people. all this while, the curtains around her bed was drawn but then aya reached out a hand towards him that he threw the curtain open. she then called his name and he knelt beside the bed. asou was on the verge of tears by now. aya spoke softly, "i can't walk anymore." asou made a sound of agreement, tears rolling down. "i can't walk but i can help people. i'm so glad." asou and i were both bawling. i love to see guys cry. it is a turn on for me. asou did it brilliantly. this is my most favourite part of the whole thing, because he cried realistically.


aya was slowly going away by that time. the parents were played greatly by fantastic actors. the mother was like an angel the whole time, very caring and concerned, while the father was joker who always get into fights with ako. very hilarious. he could be very intimidating at times, even asou were scared of him at first. it was the protective father in action, which guy wouldn't be? this father actor, other than being a funnyman, could also cry, man. even though some would say that he looked very weird when he cries, it really shows that he really was crying. even he cried first before the mother.

it was heart-wrenching to watch when aya passed on. the father's cries was... unexplainable. it takes you into their souls, and you could feel what they feel.

ooh! aya wrote a diary during her ailing period, talking about what she did everyday, and what she felt. actually the diary was made of notebooks and it was like a series. in this diary, she puts her heart and soul and it shows her strength through her words. the diary books were made into a book, One Litre of Tears, which was published a few months before she died.

i found this drama to be the best i've seen so far. it would have you crying at every episode. basically you'd be crying most of the time. unless you don't have a heart, that is. this was the second time i watched it. it is something that you'll never get bored of.

what my brother said about mary

hehe! i actually have a friend who's doing her term paper on blogging among youths. apparently i am one of her respondents, so she's having a look-see right now, i think. i'm kinda nervous because i'm not really whom you call an active blogger. i don't know if i really qualify to be her respondent.

anywho, i was on my way back to my hometown for my dad's birthday last night. i was in the car with my brother. i had nothing else to talk about so i told him about mary, about how she's very inconsiderate and clueless about her faults. i was condemning her for what she has done and effectively letting my anger out. want to know what my brother's reply is?

he said, mary doesn't know that she's doing something wrong when i keep telling her that i'm actually not angry. therefore she'd keep on doing the same thing, without realizing it is wrong. so i can't really complain unless i tell her the truth. huh. i tried defending myself by telling him that mary would have my head and not talk to me for the rest of my life if i confront her.

he said, "it is better that you confront her instead of you feeling horrible the whole time. she needs to know. if she keeps this up, she's going to have problems in the future. she's your friend, and it is your responsibility to help her out before it's too late." heh, suddenly my brother is the wisdom guru.

so... i am officially confused. yesterday mary sent me an sms asking if i am angry at her. like all times, i said no, there's nothing to be angry of. is that the right thing to do? ok, i admit that i'm a chicken if i were to confront her about this. i'm not really good at face-to-face confrontations. but seriously, what should i do???

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ahh. found more hikaru photos.

as promised, here are more of yaotome hikaru's gorgeous pictures. and yeah, this is yet another 'operation avoid writing article'.







this is him with his group, hey!say!best. i also like the far left. the name's inoo kei.



let's have a drooling party!! ok, that sounded so wrong. what i meant was, let's all go gaga. get me?

nothing, actually.

hello. this is one of my attempts to avoid writing an article that i was supposed to submit earlier today. haha! i can't do it!!! seriously!! i've gone rusty. here i am, writing all informally. when it comes to doing anything formal, i've gone completely blank.

I CAN'T DO IT!!!!

why can't i do it??Collapse )